Tiger Tiger Woods Ya'll!

Okay. I have been silent on this issue for a long time and could write pages about what I think about Tiger Woods' infidelity and the subsequent media coverage. I'll hold off on doing that because I feel like the BRB (Big Random Blog) should always strive to be a little more random.

Instead of lambasting the media coverage or making fun of people who actually took time out of their day to watch a golf player apologize for being addicted to booty, I will address the far more interesting issue that happened as a result of Tiger's apology. One of his mistresses, the one who is an actress in pornographic movies (Holly Sampson), and has advertised her services as an escort, wants an apology from Tiger for the unwanted attention she has received since the scandal broke.

Are you effing serious? I guess she wants Tiger to apologize for doing to her for free what she usually charges $600 an hour for (I looked it up for researching purposes only, I promise). Apologizing to Holly would be like apologizing to the Vice President of the United States after he shoots you in the face. That is some backwards stuff right there. Hey Holly, how about you apologize to Elin for having sex with her husband at his bachelor party. No? Okay.

Wouldn't it be cool if you could do crazy stuff and then demand an apology? Picture speeding in your car on the way to a football game and getting pulled over. "Excuse me Mr. officer, could you apologize for making me late to the football game? I don't like to miss kickoff."

How about farting in an elevator? "I don't like the face you just made when you inhaled the putrid fumes of death my body just happened to expel from my butt-cheeks. You madame need to apologize. I have never been so offended!"

How about a meth dealer to a meth-head? "Did you see what happened? Did you? If you hadn't purchased so much meth from me, maybe my house would not have blown up, and I would still have my eyebrows. I really think you need to apologize for buying all that meth from me. By the way, do you have any Sudafed?"

Its obvious that this lady is either retarded (sorry Sarah Palin) or a media whore who only wants more attention. Based on her occupation as a real whore, I'm going to go with the latter and not the former. When you have sex on camera for money, chances are you are very fond of attention. Now that I think of it, Holly Sampson needs to apologize to me for making me write an entire blog entry about her. I have better things to do dammit!

7 Things I am ashamed of

It has been a long time since I have posted anyting on the blog. I am ashamed of myself for letting seven months go by without giving the 4 people that read this blog something to laugh at. Because of my shameful behavior, I thought it would be appropriate if I bore my soul and gave you 7 things I am ashamed of. One shameful fact for each month I have been gone. Keep in mind that I am baring my soul to you on this, and I really don't want to admit any of this. Here we go. . .

7. I have fantasized about how cool it would be if I could sing like Michael Buble. Sure his songs are not cool, but his voice is ultra smooth. With a voice like that you could be a walking dress dropper.

6. I am over 30 and I still read comic books. Yeah, I know, comics are for teenagers and overweight men over thirty who have never been intimate with a woman. Well I have been with a woman so there. . . stereotype destroyed.

5. I enjoy watching General Hospital with my wife. Lucky is going to straight kill somebody son. Oh yeah, and Sonny almost killed his son who was an undercover cop working to take him down. You can't make that stuff up. Wait. . . it was made up. . . nevermind.

4. My house is so messy that if I had children, the state would definitly put them in foster care. My only excuse is I work too much and I hate to clean. I should really consider hiring a maid.

3. I enjoy cursing in inappropriate situations. Such as, in front of children, at most every public venue, to strangers, and on the phone with telemarketers and bill collectors. Fucked up right?

2. I have purchased and like a Soulja Boy song. As a hardcore music fan, this is one of my most shameful admissions. Soulja Boy is talentless and makes terrible music. . . yet I can't get enough of "Gucci Bandana". I can feel the respect of my peers dropping like the deuce that is Soulja Boy.
And Finally, I am most ashamed of this admission . . .

1. Nothing makes me quite as happy as when I am thinking about eating cake. That is true fat boy status right there. I love that moist delicious cake! I am simultaneously happy and ashamed right now. I am happy because I am now thinking about cake. I am ashamed because I just admitted it out loud.


There you have it, the 7 things I am most ashamed of. If you are feeling bold leave a comment regarding something you are ashamed of. No need to leave a comment if you are ashamed of reading this blog or knowing me personally. lol.

The Knicks in 2010.

When the 2010 season starts, the Knicks might be the best team in the NBA. They might have a University of Kentucky type of turnaround. That is if they can get the top two free agents on the market this summer. That would be LeBron and Wade.

The Knicks have the potential to look more like an All Star team than the woeful bottom feeders they have been ever since Patrick Ewing finished lacing up his ugly shoes. The Knicks have made enough deals and shed enough salary room that they can offer two max contracts this summer. Who would not want to see LeBron and Wade play 82 games together? Think about the last Olympic team. Thank about this year's NBA All Star game. I'm excited just thinking about the potential.

The only problem is the Knicks are going to have to convince LeBron and Wade to come to New York. While I don't think that is a hard sell for anyone who lives in Cleveland. It is a much harder sell to a young man living in South Beach. I have never been a Knicks fan, but if they land LeBron and Wade, the Knicks will be my favorite team in the League.