The New Third Base

My wife made me watch Oprah today. Usually I would have found a way to leave the room, but I heard some stuff that amazed me. Middle school aged girls were describing what was first, second, and third base. Let me tell you what they said.

A kiss was being on deck. What?!? On deck? When the heck did we start having on deck? Back in my day we started out with first base. Next thing you know kissing is going to be batting practice. When I heard this I knew things were going to be bad.

So I know what you are thinking. What the heck is first base to these tiny boppers? Well apparently first base is making out. Yes that is right. First base is making out. Wow. If you have a daughter in middle school and she says she has only let a boy get to first base, you are probably in trouble.

Second base is what we who are over 25 have come to know as third base. That is right folks, second base is anything under the clothes. Anything. I am amazed at how sexually active these kids are. I think this is messed up, but I do sometimes lament that this wasn't going on back in my day. But as an adult I am totally shocked at what second base has become.

Third base was the most amazing thing I heard from Oprah's show. Third base is apparently oral. I thought that was an inside the park home run, not third base. Kids these days are so nonchalant with oral sex that it is scary. They are giving oral like handshakes. And these kids like to greet each other a lot. I guess it really is the steroid era.

At least home plate today is the same as it was for the over 25 crowd.