Long Live The King!

Stop hating on Lebron James. No I am not a big Lebron fan, but people need to fall back off of their high horse and bullsh*t analysis. ESPN, I am talking to you. Lebron left one of the worst towns in America in Cleveland for one of the best towns in America, South Beach. That alone makes his move a no-brainer. Add in the fact that he will be essentially playing on an all star team makes it that much better.

It seems that Lebron can't win for losing. Lebron is derided for not winning championships, but when he makes the decision to be with better players in an attempt to win one, everybody disses him. You can't have it both ways. An ESPN analyst actually said "maybe we should change the way we look at greatness and take championships out of the equation because that is the only reason Lebron left Cleveland. To win championships." WTF was Jon Barry thinking when he said that? You can't be a great lawyer if you lose all your cases, or a great doctor if all your patients die, or a great dancer if you have no legs.

Most people only care about the money, which Lebron could make more of if he stayed in Cleveland. Lebron actually showed that he cares about winning more than money, and we all praised that in every other player except Lebron. Why is that? Everybody loves a loser. . .

Tiger Tiger Woods Ya'll!

Okay. I have been silent on this issue for a long time and could write pages about what I think about Tiger Woods' infidelity and the subsequent media coverage. I'll hold off on doing that because I feel like the BRB (Big Random Blog) should always strive to be a little more random.

Instead of lambasting the media coverage or making fun of people who actually took time out of their day to watch a golf player apologize for being addicted to booty, I will address the far more interesting issue that happened as a result of Tiger's apology. One of his mistresses, the one who is an actress in pornographic movies (Holly Sampson), and has advertised her services as an escort, wants an apology from Tiger for the unwanted attention she has received since the scandal broke.

Are you effing serious? I guess she wants Tiger to apologize for doing to her for free what she usually charges $600 an hour for (I looked it up for researching purposes only, I promise). Apologizing to Holly would be like apologizing to the Vice President of the United States after he shoots you in the face. That is some backwards stuff right there. Hey Holly, how about you apologize to Elin for having sex with her husband at his bachelor party. No? Okay.

Wouldn't it be cool if you could do crazy stuff and then demand an apology? Picture speeding in your car on the way to a football game and getting pulled over. "Excuse me Mr. officer, could you apologize for making me late to the football game? I don't like to miss kickoff."

How about farting in an elevator? "I don't like the face you just made when you inhaled the putrid fumes of death my body just happened to expel from my butt-cheeks. You madame need to apologize. I have never been so offended!"

How about a meth dealer to a meth-head? "Did you see what happened? Did you? If you hadn't purchased so much meth from me, maybe my house would not have blown up, and I would still have my eyebrows. I really think you need to apologize for buying all that meth from me. By the way, do you have any Sudafed?"

Its obvious that this lady is either retarded (sorry Sarah Palin) or a media whore who only wants more attention. Based on her occupation as a real whore, I'm going to go with the latter and not the former. When you have sex on camera for money, chances are you are very fond of attention. Now that I think of it, Holly Sampson needs to apologize to me for making me write an entire blog entry about her. I have better things to do dammit!

7 Things I am ashamed of

It has been a long time since I have posted anyting on the blog. I am ashamed of myself for letting seven months go by without giving the 4 people that read this blog something to laugh at. Because of my shameful behavior, I thought it would be appropriate if I bore my soul and gave you 7 things I am ashamed of. One shameful fact for each month I have been gone. Keep in mind that I am baring my soul to you on this, and I really don't want to admit any of this. Here we go. . .

7. I have fantasized about how cool it would be if I could sing like Michael Buble. Sure his songs are not cool, but his voice is ultra smooth. With a voice like that you could be a walking dress dropper.

6. I am over 30 and I still read comic books. Yeah, I know, comics are for teenagers and overweight men over thirty who have never been intimate with a woman. Well I have been with a woman so there. . . stereotype destroyed.

5. I enjoy watching General Hospital with my wife. Lucky is going to straight kill somebody son. Oh yeah, and Sonny almost killed his son who was an undercover cop working to take him down. You can't make that stuff up. Wait. . . it was made up. . . nevermind.

4. My house is so messy that if I had children, the state would definitly put them in foster care. My only excuse is I work too much and I hate to clean. I should really consider hiring a maid.

3. I enjoy cursing in inappropriate situations. Such as, in front of children, at most every public venue, to strangers, and on the phone with telemarketers and bill collectors. Fucked up right?

2. I have purchased and like a Soulja Boy song. As a hardcore music fan, this is one of my most shameful admissions. Soulja Boy is talentless and makes terrible music. . . yet I can't get enough of "Gucci Bandana". I can feel the respect of my peers dropping like the deuce that is Soulja Boy.
And Finally, I am most ashamed of this admission . . .

1. Nothing makes me quite as happy as when I am thinking about eating cake. That is true fat boy status right there. I love that moist delicious cake! I am simultaneously happy and ashamed right now. I am happy because I am now thinking about cake. I am ashamed because I just admitted it out loud.


There you have it, the 7 things I am most ashamed of. If you are feeling bold leave a comment regarding something you are ashamed of. No need to leave a comment if you are ashamed of reading this blog or knowing me personally. lol.

The Knicks in 2010.

When the 2010 season starts, the Knicks might be the best team in the NBA. They might have a University of Kentucky type of turnaround. That is if they can get the top two free agents on the market this summer. That would be LeBron and Wade.

The Knicks have the potential to look more like an All Star team than the woeful bottom feeders they have been ever since Patrick Ewing finished lacing up his ugly shoes. The Knicks have made enough deals and shed enough salary room that they can offer two max contracts this summer. Who would not want to see LeBron and Wade play 82 games together? Think about the last Olympic team. Thank about this year's NBA All Star game. I'm excited just thinking about the potential.

The only problem is the Knicks are going to have to convince LeBron and Wade to come to New York. While I don't think that is a hard sell for anyone who lives in Cleveland. It is a much harder sell to a young man living in South Beach. I have never been a Knicks fan, but if they land LeBron and Wade, the Knicks will be my favorite team in the League.

WTF is "Irregardless"

I hate when people say words that don't make sense, like "irregardless". What the hell does that mean? I know what irrespective means. I know what regardless means. I don't know what irregardless means. Probably because it is not a real word. I'm not even a grammar cop. I speak way too much slang for that, but at least the crazy ish I say makes sense to people with the slang decoder ring. No one knows what "irregardless" means, and I don't care if it is in the dictionary. "Ir" means without, and "regardless" means without regard. So when you say "irregardless" what you are really saying is "without without regard." WTF is that? People we can do better. Maybe. . . .

Facebook Inspiration. . . No Thanks.

Everybody loves facebook. Old people, young people, rich people, poor people, and me. It is a great way to keep up with your friends when you don't have the time or inclination to actually speak to them. A great way to get quick info without all the small talk.

I have a question though. What is up with the people who only post so called "inspirational" messages or quotes on fb? You know the girl I'm talking about, the one who thinks she is Gandhi, posting messages of peace and self reflection. Or the guy who thinks he is Confucius, posting messages with double meanings. I hate them both.

I don't get onto fb to be inspired. I get on there to see what is up with your life, play mafia wars, and do a quiz. I don't need your dime store inspirational messages. Don't tell me to smile. I smile when I want to smile. What I need is to know what you ate for lunch, and your views on Michael Jackson (great entertainer v. pedophile). I hate reading a profile, thinking I'm about to find out what you ate for lunch and then I realize you are telling me to stop and smell the roses. Bamboozled into reading an inspirational message. . . arrrgh! If I wanted to be smelling roses I wouldn't be on the Internet 10 hours a day. When I want to be inspired, I look at an old girlfriend's profile and thank holy heaven that I dodged that bullet like Neo in the Matrix. That is all the fb inspiration I need.

BTW if you are an ex-girlfriend on fb, I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about those other ex-girlfriends on fb.

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Racists

I am a huge Transformers fan and I liked the movie for what it was. . . mostly. In order to enjoy the movie, you kind of have to put all higher brain functions to the side. Once you do that you will enjoy this movie. The problem is I could not get past how racist two of the characters were.

In the movie there are twin robots named Skids and Mudflap. In a nutshell, they are minstrels. I never thought I would see a robot minstrel. They might as well have been wearing black face, as opposed to the actual bug eyes and gold teeth that the characters actually had. I will let that sink in. Skids had bug eyes and a gold tooth. Not to mention the fact that the twins mentioned that they were illeterate when asked to read. The twins spoke in ebonics and acted like idiots. Each scene with them in it became more and more uncomfortable for me. I am all for comic relief, but this was ridiculous. Everytime they were on screen, I was taken out of the movie experience and wondered WTF ws Michael Bay thinking. Again. . . the robots had bug eyes, gold teeth, spoke in ebonics, and were illeterate.

I kept asking myself, how the hell does Paramount allow something like this in such a high profile movie as Transformsers 2? No one at Paramount thought that shit was racist? Seriously Paramount. I could understand it if there was some reason for the characters acting that way, but I just don't see it. It is obvious that no black people were producers on the film or even work for Paramount. If they did one would have surely said something like "Hey guys, this movie is cool and all but WTF is up with those minstrel robots. That shit is not cool." It pisses me off that a franchise that I like so much, would allow this to happen.

The most dissapointing thing for me is that no one caught this before the movie came out. Not the Director, not the studio, and not the toy manufacturer. Just wait till Christmas when your 7 year old wants a racist ass tranformer with gold teeth. Don't let me see your kid with one, I might have to have a "talk" with you.