NO NO NO NO!

It has been brought to my attention that the BRB (Big Random Blog) skews a little toward bitch fest. I can't help it, it is fun to do bad things. In an attempt to be less angry, I will address what I believe to be one of the coolest stories in the news right now.

In Florida there is a high school kid who has pitched 4 straight no hitters. A high school kid hasn't pitched 4 straight no nos since 1989. Although it is only high school, do you understand how amazing it is that this kid has not allowed a hit in 4 straight games. In that time he has struck out 60 batters! Ridiculous! This kid doesn't let anyone get to first base (as opposed to those 13 year old girls on the Oprah show).

Patrick Schuster is a senior who has committed to play baseball for Florida. My guess is that he never sees Freshman orientation. On the one hand, this is a shame because he will never know the feeling of being the man on campus (i.e. coeds). On the other hand, this time next year, he will be a millionaire. I'd take either one.

Coolest Nickname

The coolest nickname out there right now has to be "AK47" for Andre Kirilenko the professional basketball player who wears number 47 for the Utah Jazz and is also Russian. For people who know nothing about guns, the AK47 is a Russian machine gun. An apt name for a Russian basketball player who is arguably best know for his shooting skills.

I say arguably because some people may know of him because of his extremely hot wife who reports say is okay with him cheating on her. Wow.

Pirate Booty

A year ago when I heard the word pirate I used to think about college kids stealing music and movies off of the Internet. Now I think Somalians in speed boats jacking ships and freighters in the Indian Ocean. WTF. Somebody has seen one to many Captain Jack Sparrow movies. Some people actually think it is cool that the Somalis are jacking boats. Apparently they believe Somalis are so poor that jacking other peoples stuff is okay. It is not. If you had a car full of stuff and I had nothing and jacked you for it would that be okay. Probably not.

And what is it with the pirate's display of outrage because the US Navy blasted those pirates that kidnapped Captain Phillips? They kidnapped him and held him at gunpoint. That is get your ass shot by the Navy behavior if it ever existed. So now the pirates want to shoot at more American vessels. Okay, but be advised pirates, the U.S. is prideful and prone to overreact. If you keep this behavior up we will not only kick some pirate booty, but we'll probably bomb Somalia as well for not doing more to keep this stuff from happening.

So in the great debate of pirates v. ninjas, I choose ninjas.

The New Third Base

My wife made me watch Oprah today. Usually I would have found a way to leave the room, but I heard some stuff that amazed me. Middle school aged girls were describing what was first, second, and third base. Let me tell you what they said.

A kiss was being on deck. What?!? On deck? When the heck did we start having on deck? Back in my day we started out with first base. Next thing you know kissing is going to be batting practice. When I heard this I knew things were going to be bad.

So I know what you are thinking. What the heck is first base to these tiny boppers? Well apparently first base is making out. Yes that is right. First base is making out. Wow. If you have a daughter in middle school and she says she has only let a boy get to first base, you are probably in trouble.

Second base is what we who are over 25 have come to know as third base. That is right folks, second base is anything under the clothes. Anything. I am amazed at how sexually active these kids are. I think this is messed up, but I do sometimes lament that this wasn't going on back in my day. But as an adult I am totally shocked at what second base has become.

Third base was the most amazing thing I heard from Oprah's show. Third base is apparently oral. I thought that was an inside the park home run, not third base. Kids these days are so nonchalant with oral sex that it is scary. They are giving oral like handshakes. And these kids like to greet each other a lot. I guess it really is the steroid era.

At least home plate today is the same as it was for the over 25 crowd.

Final Four Reflections

With the Final Four quickly approaching I have started to reflect on final fours of years past. The first few final fours I ever watched are forever in my mind the golden age of college basketball. Nothing beats college basketball of the early 1990's. Particularly the tournament. I was only eleven or twelve years old back then. Just beginning to experience my first infection of March Madness. I became emotionally vested in teams I never heard of and rode an emotional roller coaster that has plagued my sports viewing experiences ever since.

Do you remember how cool it was when Michigan made the final four with 5 starting freshman who completely changed the look and feel of college basketball. Before the Fab Five, basketball players in the pros and college wore the infamous "nut hugger" shorts that are today relegated to the realm of the middle school gym teacher. No self respecting baller would be caught dead wearing a pair of John Stockton nut huggers today. The Fab Five wore the baggy shorts and the black socks pulled all the way up. They were a striking spectacle of style, rebellion, and youth. Many teams since have tried to emulate them, but none have succeeded. They were revolutionary. Because of them I still follow Michigan basketball today.

What about the Duke v. UK game with Laetner hitting the game winning shot over the Mashburn and the unforgettables. I have never been a really big UK fan, but always rooted for the state teams when in the tourney. I remember being so crushed when that shot went in that as soon as the game was over I walked out of the house and just walked the streets until I felt like I could cope. To this day I hate Duke and revel in every bit of misfortune that comes their way. Blue Devils. . . .Devils aren't even blue! I hate Laetner even more than I hate Duke. He was a douche bag. He stepped straight on a guys chest and rubbed it in there like the villain in a 1970's Kung Fu movie. The only thing he didn't have was the Fu Manchu moustache. Laetner should have been ejected and never had a chance to make that shot. Such a douche.

What about the infamous Chris Webber time out in the championship game verses UNC. That play was so bad Webber never played another college basketball game again. If he would have come back for his Junior season I think Michigan would have destroyed the competition and won a National title. But I guess that is what happens when a 19 year old sophomore is the leader of your team.

I guess part of what made the NCAA tournament so memorable back then was that the best players in the country went to college. Sure they only stayed for 2 or 3 years, but that is better than the no years of college that marked the mid 1990's through the mid 2000's and the one year of college that permeates todays college game. Would UK have even had a chance against Duke without a sophmore named Mashburn. If Webber, Rose, and Howard had went straight to the pros instead of joining the Fab Five would ballers still be wearing nut huggers? It was a special time for the college game. Once that I don't think will ever be duplicated, at least until players are forced to stay at least 2 years in college.

Think about this. How would March Madness have been with Kevin Garnett, Kobe Bryant, Amare Stoudamire, or Lebron James suited up in college gear? Would Kwame Brown have been such a disappointment or would he have developed into a stud. What would Memphis have looked like this year with Derrick Rose and Tyreke Evans in the back court? The truth is we will never know. Worse, the eleven and twelve year old kids who are just now getting infected with March Madness won't really get a chance to see all of the best players play each other in the big dance like I did. I'm still watching though. Go Villanova!